New Wave Conservative Labrador Gets Good PR

I’m not sure if you’ve wasted your time reading this press release about Tea Party bobo Raúl Labrador (R-Idaho) in the Huffington Post, but if you did you might have wondered whether you were reading the arch-right Daily Caller instead. After all, it quotes word for word the same passage about el bravo Raúl fighting back against MSNBC’s effete liberal Democrat machine:

“I don’t speak on talking points so that’s totally offensive,” Labrador said. “If you want to have a debate on the discussion, we can do that. I actually have my own mind. I was an immigration lawyer for 15 years. I think I know more than you do about immigration and on immigration reform. So let’s not try to insult people when trying to have an honest discussion about what’s happening in America. I think there was.”

If you’re not nauseated by the spectacle of someone from Puerto Rico–who by historical accident had all its citizens granted second-class US citizenship–passing judgement on the legality or illegality of Mexican or Central American immigrants who cleaned the same Vegas hotels his mother did and then accusing Democrats of being the main roadblock to immigration reform, well maybe you should go back to reading the Daily Caller. And take the Huffington Post with you. I guess it takes a born second-class citizen to devise a new, improved second-class citizenship.

Says Labrador: “It would be a travesty, in my opinion, to treat those who violated our laws to get here much better than those who have patiently waited their turn to come to the United States the right way.” I guess the “right way” would be being born in an unincorporated US territory with second-class citizenship, moving freely to the US, become an immigrant lawyer and opportunistically use the shadow propaganda machine known as the Tea Party to promote a shallow and hypocritical anti-women/”pro-immigrant” politics.

The clip that Labrador publicist Jon Ward cites as a “fiery back and forth with former Obama spokesman Bill Burton” is a rather mediocre display of Tea Party obfuscation. That is, you speak in impenetrable platitudes that are so lacking in coherent logic that they almost defy a response; you repeat lies until they might be accepted as truths to the slower people in the audience; you unabashedly use talking points while claiming to be insulted for being called out for using talking points; and you repeat the word pandering so many times visions of Sodom and Gomorrah start to permeate everything like turning gay people straight electroshock therapy.

Here’s what publicist Ward says about Labrador: he’s an immigration lawyer, which means he really knows what he is talking about, and he’s part of a “new kind of conservatism” that “is marked by a focus on fiscal issues and civil liberties, with less emphasis on social issues.”

So what exactly does that mean? Judging from the robotic sludge that emanates from the mind of Labrador, we are left to deduce that he wants to cut all government spending, abolish the IRS, and bring Edward Snowden back from Moscow so that he can release the remainder of Anthony Weiner’s Carlos Danger texts before evil AG Eric Holder can lock him up and throw away the key.

Here’s all you need to know about Raúl Labrador. Press play on the video above, which is taken from CPAC in 2011. He can’t even tell a birther joke right but the mob jeers and laughs as if he were killing the boozed-up crowd at the Sands in Las Vegas.

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